Dead Sea Monkeys

So I recently reprised my role as "booth bitch" for the Dead Sea Pavilion working for a week at the Columbus Circle street fair. I have worked a lot of street fairs and I have seen a lot of crazies. I have gone loopy and come back again, only to find I am still loopy, but often not as loopy as those that visit the booth. I can't even recall all of them, and that makes me sad since they definitely thrust me into a pseudo reality wondering if I was in some strange dream as they spout out unintelligible gibberish with behavior only seen on SNL, Mad TV, and In Living Color. People say strange things, and do even weirder things, such as accepting a free Q-tip we were offering just to be silly and walking away staring at it with a gleam in their eye as though they had just won the lottery. My favorite thing ever uttered in the booth happened this past week when a pretty normal looking woman came in and was interested in the face cream with the Dead Sea Minerals in it, but what she said was... "Umm...hi! Do you have any of those face creams with the dead sea...monkeys....or whatever?" Instantly I smiled, as I always seem to when monkeys are involved. Then the brilliance exploded when I realized there is such a thing as Sea Monkeys...and she was not only requesting Dead Sea Monkeys, but in a face cream! I immediately got visuals of microscopic sea monkey cadavers rubbed all over her face. I started cracking up, and she looked at me like I was insane. She thought I was insane for laughing at her having asked for face cream with dead sea monkeys in it. A last she walked away wondering what was wrong with me. What's most wrong is that I didn't tell her that the dead sea monkeys cost extra.

Tales of a Starbucks Nerd

Okay, so one of my favorite things about my AOL job is the weirdos
that I meet here. Last week, a nerdy guy rolled a grocery cart full
of HUGE, old desktop computer parts outside the window and came in
asking for one of the free AOL cds. I gave it to him and he proceeded
to tell me that the AOL cd "makes his computer wireless". This isn't
a correct statement as I understand AOL and the free cd...so I tried
to clear up his confusion. He told me that he is putting together
that computer (he pointed through the window to the cart) and assured
me that the AOL cd makes it possible for him to connect to a hot spot
wireless connection, as he had done it before. I shrugged it off,
since the cd is free no matter how crazy you are and sent him on his
way. I watched him reunite with his cart full of old computer parts
and wave at me as he rolled away with it. My brain raced...."Could
that AOL cd actually make a bunch of ancient desktop computer parts
wireless? How?" Then I could just picture him rolling up to
Starbucks and unloading that shit on a table and surfing the net
amongst the other New Yorkers. I giggled and enjoyed the silly
possibilities.
Later that day, one of my regulars at the free internet lounge in
the AOL store came, and I told him about this guy. My friend informed
me (before I mentioned my silly idea of him connecting in Starbucks)
that he has chatted with the guy-at Starbucks...where he sees him set
up with his equipment surfing the web. Yes. He actually does this.
I love everything about this. Yesterday, this nerdy guy actually came
in again and I was talking with him about his makeshift wireless
desktop computer. He is turning 21 this week and is looking for
someone online to share his birthday with. He is online dating and
sets up times an places to meet chicks around the city...(last night
he was meeting a chick at 8 at Starbucks! I don't know if he brings
his computer or not.

Well...my "regular" came in later yesterday and gave me the address
of a blogger's site that features the "Starbucks Nerd" as he calls
it...I urge you to check it out....this shit really happens folks...
http://www.chrisdiclerico.com/2005/03/30/starbucks-nerd/