Those "Brokeback Mountain Types"...

I am working with a very sweet person who stunned me twice already, all within our first two days of work.

First was as we were sitting in a deli training for our day and eating breakfast, as "When the Doves Cry" came on. A few of us were singing along, enjoying the selections being played on the radio. Upon the mention of Prince's name (his former, now current again), he explained that he hadn't always known that Prince had made that song originally. He knew it only from the Romeo and Juliet soundtrack (an amazing one, by-the-way), and for the longest time thought Prince had just covered that version of it. Okay, so this is a clear indication of his 19 year old youth, right? I'm still skeptical on that one. We all remained stunned that he had somehow been so misled.

Next was today when, upon seeing several men dressed in very tailored and fashionably accessorized funky outfits ( I am sure someone thought they were dressed exceptionally well), he went on a rant about how much he didn't like what they were wearing and saying they looked too girly. Now they were far from dressed in drag and just happened to be very well-dressed fashionistas of some sort. Perhaps they were trying a tad too hard, but COME ON...we are working in front of Fashion Week! Anyway, he launches into his insults with a "Now, I have nothing against those 'Brokeback Mountain Types' BUT..."

Weee!!! Gay people have another derogatory term to mock and label them at the same time! Such a relief! Thank God Ang Lee made this movie because the other names are SO last millenea!

I finally got to see "Brokeback Mountain" last week. My experience of it wasn't nearly what I had expected it would be, but that probably has something to do with how long it took me to see it. I kept hearing everyone else's intense reactions to it all the time, and it just didn't make me emote the way I definitely did when I saw the trailor for it WELL before everyone was talking about it. Regardless of the fact that I didn't weep like an infant at the love story and the tragedy of it's complications, I am, none-the-less, effected. ..>

I am effected in the same way I was after seeing "Far From Heaven" (a BEAUTIFUL movie), a few years back. I always feel so excited when movies like this are made, because I feel like they are going to do SO much for the ignorance and resulting struggles surrounding the lives of human beings that are gay. It invigorates me for a while, perhaps before I see the film, perhaps even while I am watching it. I wrap myself up in the story and how it effects me. My heart leaps with gratitude that someone is showing these stories that are far from new in history of the universe, and I am so proud of the "big hollywood stars" that agreed to do it. I feel like times are changing and have GOT to be getting better!!

Then I wake up. My heart sinks a few feet again as I remember that, even though those stories are set in a time that has past, SO very much remains the same.

Of course times are changing. Just the simple fact that someone produced the film is proof of that. We have come so far and yet we are still stuck very much in that past, which wasn't that long ago. I think I just am so much more immersed in the nore understanding and logical world I have created with those I care about the most, that I forget that, sadly, that world doesn't extend very far, even in NYC! Just when I think it is getting bigger I am instantly reminded just how severely I have overestimated it's scope. And it ALWAYS surprises me.

There are times when I think I will live long enough to see the time when we all really are informed and intelligent enough to talk about these times in history classes and just shake our heads in disbelief at how ignorant we were. Then there are times when I feel as though I will always just be one of the few in the constant state of bewilderment until the day I die. I am confident, however, that the day will come when we will wake up from the nightmare we continue to perpetuate. Hopefully this will happen without creating a new one! ..>

I say "we", because I often speak in more personal terms that separate my beliefs from those that happen to still be less accepting. I am not sure, but perhaps that is somehow why we remain moving at such a slow pace. If we can figure out how to remember to think of ourselves more as "one" then as freakily different individuals, it might be more possible to understand someone else's feelings a little better since, deep down, we are all exactly the same. Those that remain stuck in the past are also just like me, they just happen to be terrified of it. Why are they terrified? Because they don't understand it and don't think it is around them all the time. This is why I am still very grateful for these movies, because SLOWLY but surely more and more people will, at some point, be less afraid.

No Day But Today...and Yesterday?

I went to see the new "Rent" movie not once, but two times since it came out 2 days ago. Should I be embarrassed? The first time, my friends and I went to the Ziegfeld Theatre (the BEST to see movie musicals!). The lines were crazy, the theatre was PACKED, and everyone there wanted to be there with their entire being! I have never seen a movie where people applauded from the opening credits, but this is how we started the night.

This show is very important to me, and to a lot of people I know. I cried for nearly every song from the beginning to the end. The entire show isn't ALL sad, but I couldn't help it! I was so happy it was made. I was so proud of it and all the people involved. It made me happy to think about all the people who never knew a thing about the show who will one day fall in love with it because of this movie. I was crying for the tragedy of such a brilliant creation existing on it's own without it's incredible creator being alive on the earth with it. I cried for the beautiful irony of his lyrics about 'writing one song...before he goes...a song about love...from the soul of a young man...'. I cried because he left this legacy of songs behind, not just one. Tears welled up in my eyes the way they always seem to since I moved here and witness people in front of my singing their hearts out on stage (usually live) on the stages of NYC. I cry because it shakes me. I cry because I know how it feels to do it, and I long to be a part of something half as good. I cry when I am afraid I won't get to. I feel chills up my spine because the show isn't only about love and dreams, he created a piece of art that speaks to people about issues we still want to ignore.

The songs of this show bring me back to my dorm room in college for musical theatre. If you weren't listening to the album in your room, and no one on your floor was, you would undoubtedly hear it coming through the pipes in the bathroom from another floor. We were far from alphabet city and not yet starving artists. We were starving college students who were starving to start living for our art. ..>

Tonight several of the same friends and I decided to go again, after eating a lot of food...with a few people who had yet to see it. We made our way to a less glamorous theatre. The theatre was nearly empty (probably due to the horridly cold temps!), and applause after every song just wasn't the tone of the evening. Of course I enjoyed seeing it again, but I was mortified when I heard the my friends on the other end of the row had to endure some ignorant people who never should have been watching the movie in the first place. Evidently these guys gaybashed through the entire movie, saying things starting with "fuckin' faggots..." and getting disgruntled every time a song started. What were these people doing in there?!?!?! Clearly they had just snuck in and should never have stayed. When they realized they were annoying my friends, I guess they decided they ought to stick around and ruin the entire night. I found out about this all upon leaving the theatre. I don't think I need to explain to you how bad this upset me. I just can't understand people intentionally setting out to ruin other people's happiness. I can't fathom how that could be an enjoyable time. It also slaps you in the face. We weren't sitting in a theatre in Oklahoma watching some Jackie Chan Movie, we were in NEW YORK CITY watching about movie MUSICAL about gay people, straight people, people with HIV. Of course NYC is one of the best places to be in our country if you happen to be gay or love those who are...but I think sometimes we forget just how far we haven't come in the scheme of things. We still are living in our very own city with people like that. I guess we need reminded of that, though I still don't quite know what to do about it.

As starving college students these songs inspired us to pursue what is real and genuine...in our careers and our friends and lovers. They showed us how important it is to live and love without regret. I am 8 years older. The NYC we live in is far different than the one these characters lived in 20 years ago. I am still inspired by these words and melodies. The most valuable message Jonathan Larson gave us, in my opinion, is to live in the present moment. As soon as we are thinking about this moment, it is already gone. Did we actually LIVE it? ..>

From the already powerful message that was harshly cemented with his untimely death:

"There is no future, there is no past, I live this moment as my last. There's only us. There's only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other road. No other way. No day but today."