The Falling Leaves...

Well I have just returned from a beautiful weekend in Boston where I saw two beautiful souls get married. It was truly one of the most amazing ceremonies I have ever had the privelige of experiencing. My roommates and I took the chinatown bus from NYC to Boston since we travel in style. It actually wasn't all that bad since we all had our own seats and when I opened my eyes every now and again I had gorgeous leaves to look at out the window! It's a perfect time to get out there and see them! There's still plenty of green surrounding the delcious reds, golds and purples. It is incredible how beautiful leaves get at the end of their lives. I find it only slightly unfortunate that we humans get all wrinkly and start to deteriorate physically as we age. Perhaps this is all the more justification for how much more important it is to continue to nurture our souls as their beauty is what truly has the potential to get more splendid with every passing year.

Paper of Value

I am loving that this artist is passing out $0 Dollar Bills! Where can I get one? They may as well mean what our regular bills mean, since it's all just paper anyway...

http://www.designrelated.com/inspiration/view/Karen/entry/2668

Short Story Long...

Well hello and welcome to "A Lil' Somethin' Somethin'". This is a blog inspired by my friend Rachel's "A Little Each Day" who inspired Dennis' "A Little Crazy Everyday" as well as many more. I wrangled with a title for this blog and aside from everything I wanted already having been selected, I was a little unsure as to whether or not I would be able to actually stick with "a little" each day, as I tend to be rather long-winded. Nor did I want to be brutally honest about my need to expound by calling it what it might often end up being since no one would want to read it. Plus, who the hell knows what this'll be? I'm just going to wait and see...right along with you, and at the very least I'll give you.....a lil' somethin' somethin'. (pronounced somewhat like "sumpin' sumpin'").

The Bohemian Steel Gardens

So I live at the Astoria Blvd stop on the N/W in Queens. This means that you give a lot of directions...to the bus to LaGuardia, and to the Beer Garden. Non-residents of Astoria only venture to this stop in Queens to get the hell out of here or to get down with some beer. It's something I have gotten used to, and much like that warm-fuzzy feeling of being recognized as a "New Yorker" by a tourist asking for directions,it makes me feel good to help whenever I can. The other night as I made a late-night treck to the corner store for something sweet, I found a girl, a little hooched up, frantically arguing with someone on her cell phone. "

Drunk Hooched-out Girl: "Umm...excuse me, do you know where the Bohemian Steel Gardens are? (extremely confused look on her face)

Me: "Oh...yes...you mean the Bohemian BEER Garden." (holding back hysterical laughing)

Drunk Hooched-out Girl: "Umm...yeah, the Bohemian Steel Garden...is that around here?"

Me: "Yes, I can show you where it is, follow me...but it's called The BEER Garden. It's just down this side of the street past the intersection, be careful these 8 lanes of traffic are kind of dangerous to cross, once you get past them and get on the next corner or so, ask someone "Where is the BEER Garden" and someone will point you right at it. Now just careful at this intersec--

Drunk Hooched-out Girl: ----I can't believe it, you know, I asked TWO cab drivers where the Bohemian Steel Gardens were and neither of them had any idea what I was talking about!"

Me: "Well, that's probably because it's called the BEER Garden, not the STEEL Garden."

Drunk Hooched-out Girl: "It's called the BEER Garden?"

Me: "yes, yes it is."

Drunk Hooched-out Girl: slightly giggling and looking back at me while walking out into 8 lanes of traffic as their light turns green "Oh...thanks!"

I sort of hope she made it there.

Human BEings

I love words. I love weird words, normal words, words that no one uses anymore. My friends know this about me and have been amused at how much fun I have reading a thesaurus. One good friend even gave me a book of bizarre words for one of my birthdays. I love the idea that all words are simply a series of sounds someone made up and applied meaning to put together to define something else that we are essentially applying meaning to. I love that we have so many words for the same objects or ideas, but some really define a situation much better than others. Some people feel that words limit our interpretation of everything around us, yet without them it would take a lot longer to understand it all.

One phrase that has been blowing me away recently is the word that defines what type of creatures we are. We are human beings. I am a human being. We don't say this is my "cat being". We don't refer to bears as "bear beings". They are simply cats and bears. At what point did someone or some everything define us as not only human, but human beings. There can be no doubt whatsoever as to what that means either. We are constantly being. No
matter how much we dwell in the past or worry about the future, we are always in a state of being. It is the absolute best possible way to describe us! This only hit me a few months ago, and it hit me so hard. How long have I been a human being, and known myself as such, and never thought about what that meant? I have been learning so much
about living in the moment and aligning my energy and thoughts with everything that makes me most happy for a few years now, and still...the simplicity of that term and what it referred to never revealed itself. How many other people never think about what it means to be a human...being? All too often I am just a human-thinking-WAY-too-much! I sort of believe that it is limiting not to refer to other creatures as "creature-beings" as well, since they too, are being. I suppose that comes from the superior mindset of man that animals aren't aware of the fact that they are also being, while we are. I don't know that I believe that. All I do know is that this phrase completely reveals a connection between the incredible power of this universe and us as beings in it. Who knows who made the phrase up or if they meant it to be taken so literally, but I'd like to think they did. This is a phrase that I find so precious! If people really think about it, they may remember what's most important.

It's so easy to get caught up in memories of the past or plans for the future but it helps to remember that all we really ever have is this instant and we need to just let it BE. Let ourselves BE. Just BE!

My "Waking Life"

Why do I keep having recurring nightmarish type dreams where I am still in school and I suddenly remember that I have not attended a certain class all semester and I am terrified it will keep me from graduating? It is generally a science class. I had a break from those dreams until recently, I think. Do you ever dream something that you have previously knowledge of within the dream? It isn't that you are aware that you are dreaming, it's as if it is an actual life which you have actual memories from, but when you wake up you can't tell if you actually did live those moments in prior dreams or if everything, including the remembering of past experiences was encapsulated in that one dream you just woke from. Well I can't be sure if that was a continuation of prior dream experiences or not, but in this dream I realized once again that it was Thursday...and I think I have a science class sometime today, but I can't be sure because I haven't remembered to attend it all semester. What time is that class? Do I even know where it is? And oh, shit...didn't I figure out the last time I did this, that our final was coming up and I was completely unprepared. Even if my professor would overlook the fact that I never came to class all semester, how was I going to pass this exam? I had never even brought my book home! I thought I certainly shouldn't go to class today, because the final was taking place and I had no chance of passing. So I should skip another class, and then find my professor and BEG him to let me take it late. I knew I was going to have to get the book from my locker (yes, I was using a locker in college for some reason) and go home and CRAM everything in my brain temporarily. It would be horrible to not get my degree based on one stupid science academic credit. This was a very common worry when I actually was in school because our school wasn't particularly known for exceptional academic course outside of specific majors. Mine was musical theatre so most of my classmates just had to get our asses to these classes enough to pass them. I often have had these dreams of anxiety that I was not going to get my degree because I had forgotten to attend some class all semester and suddenly I was terrified I would have to stay there longer in order to finish it. I mean, ultimately that is the worst thing that could happen I suppose..I would just have to take that course in the summer or something. I don't know why it brings me so much anxiety. I suppose it is mainly the fear that I would have to tell my mom that I can't graduate yet because I never went to one of my classes. I have always hated the thought of letting her down. Not that she is particularly hard on me, actually she really isn't...but I still hate to let her down...or myself down. That is my worst fear I suppose, that I might let myself and those who care about me down. But ultimately these dreams are so ridiculous because I wake up still feeling nervous about it all and have to keep reminding myself that I have nothing to worry about...I have already graduated! I have a degree (all-be-it a pretty useless one). I had a little break from these dreams until recently. I guess I feel I have been letting myself down somehow? Well writing about this dream just gave me better insight to it than I had before, so that's good. Sometimes just being aware of where it is coming from might help unearth ways to remedy that anxiety. Usually I just feel so ridiculous for these dreams once I remember that I already have achieved what the dream made me so nervous about and there is no good use for this negative energy. If I am holding these anxieties that I am letting myself down, I imagine they are pretty unwarranted and ridiculous as well. If they too serve no purpose why do I hold onto them? I have a great deal to feel good about yet I am entirely too hard on myself. I wouldn't allow someone else to be this hard on me, so why do I put up with it? Well it's about time to stop. If these dreams that feel so genuinely real are completely false scenarios I am fabricating in my mind then the "dream" I am living while awake may present just as many untruths that are as ridiculous to believe as those in my sleeping life. This is what I have been a little obsessed with lately, revealing certain "truths" I have held about myself that no longer serve me and adopting new ones that do. Anyone care to join me?

Living in the moment and more....

Well...since I have been learning a lot lately about a pretty unfortunate situation..I wanted to share a bit of it with you. To preface this, my mother had some unexpected surgery at the beginning of December. She was put on a ventilator which she had difficulty getting off of for the next 10 days.

Basically my mom is recovering VERY well from everything she has just gone through. She still requires some assistance and a lot of physical therapy to get stronger, but no longer needs a hospital. Since her sister works at a nursing home that can provide that, she is staying there. She is a little on the young side to be in a nursing home, but it really is the very best place for her right now. She is definitely improving every day and I am happy I got to spend Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and the day after by her side in her room there. It was the first time we saw several of my aunts, uncles, and cousins who all used to gather over Xmas growing up. Most importantly though, was just being with my mom who is alive and getting well...talking and getting back to normal. The first 2 weeks of this month were the hardest of my life and there were a few moments I wasn't sure she'd be around for Xmas. I am learning a lot from this experience watching her heal and work through some difficulties. These are some simple things that people often gently advise us to do all the time...and we definitely don't always think about them, let alone take their advice. How many times have you been told to "live in the moment"? "Just breathe"? "Don't be so hard on yourself!"? Watching my mother work so hard to breathe of the ventilator...watching her overbreathing, much too quick, and not getting a good exhange of oxygen and CO2 because of it... I am reminded how very important breathing slowly and deeply is. I forget to ALL the time. Not knowing from day to day whether she would get off the vent, or need a tracheostomy, or worse, and when I should tell my jobs I will return to NYC to work because anything at all could happen the very next day forced me to live in the moment...as I never had before. Plans for the future? Memories of the past? They mean nothing in this present moment, because it could be all you have. Watching my mother, who is fiercely independent, struggle with relying on those around her for so much more...and causing herself some added physical distress if she was unable (one day) to perform the physical therapy she so anxiously woke up to accomplish...as well as listening to her apologize for all the things she hadn't prepared for to alleviate our stresses throughout this experience reminded me to not be so hard on MYself for everything I don't think I have done yet...or for not having everything happen as I had wanted it to. These stresses we put on ourselves not only prevent us from being happy but often manifest in our bodies...not always in such drastic ways, mind you...but they are never comfortable!

Now, I have always adored my mother. I have been blessed with a pretty incredible family and a mom I don't think I have ever taken for granted. My brother and I may fight, but in the end...we have a great family, and we know it and acknowledge it often. Before any of this, I have been grateful for it. While my mom was in the ICU I was reminded again how incredible she is. When I went home to see her over Christmas, I thought I couldn't possibly be even more grateful for her and more time with her. Then I found out a friend's father passed away the day before Xmas Eve. There is a lot more that goes along with what she is dealing with right now. Suddenly this vast expansive space of gratitude I didn't know existed opened up inside me. In this I feel I have learned the most important truth here... there is no such thing as being too grateful for ANYTHING!

I know that there still may be some tough times ahead, but it is impossible not to be grateful for these lessons I am learning that will continue to help me learn and grow and get through any situations that may arise...whether they are this intense or not!

Happy New Year everyone!!