"I Clearly LOVE the Smell of This Poop."

Weeee! I am officially licensed as a New York City Sightseeing Guide!!! No - I am not ready to give you a tour of all of NYC yet. I am so very sorry to disappoint. I am gonna need a second - and a script - of my own or someone else's created. Patience is a virtue. Even when I am ready to give you a tour at the drop of a hat - don't expect me to do it. Much as I only sing on demand for my mother - just because I have a skill- doth not require me to demonstrate it like a dog watching a delectable biscuit in yo' hand. I realize you are just making conversation and that is all you can think of to say - but please don't be disappointed when you don't get the (at least) 24 hour walking tour that would ensue if I really did what you asked. My friend, attempting to quiz me on the eve before my NYC Tour Guide Licensing Exam, asked me "So, who in invented New York?". He was only slightly kidding. Today - when congratulating me on FB he said "So now do you know who invented New York?". And it got me to thinkin'. The depth of my study is wide and varied. While not entirely sufficient - I have a greater understanding of how New York came to be. And like any city - no one person "invented" it - someone may have "discovered" the land and possibly swindled the Native Americans who already lived on it - but no city can be created by one person. I realized my friend was being silly, of course, but I really enjoyed where it has tossed my mind. Through this whole process, while I am no huge fan of studying or taking tests - I have almost entirely enjoyed every second of what I have learned. This is due in most part to the fact that New York has always been made up of those, like myself, who were not actually born here but CHOSE to be here - to follow their dreams, to challenge themselves, to begin again. Anyone who comes to New York and stays - is, most certainly, slightly deranged - and therefore -utterly fascinating. So it has been a wild ride! One of the things I love most was watching the PBS special series "New York, A Documentary Film by Ric Burns" - all 8 DVDs of it. This documentary is interspersed with delicious quotes from the literary geniuses who made New York City their home. Not one to be too immersed in literature - these words were all new to me and really helped me understand what it must have been like to live through all of the intense changes the city has undergone. To read about facts and dates in books is one thing - but to hear the voice of real New Yorkers (the truest definition of which does NOT involve those born here)...is to feel the energy of the city at that time. It made me want to write. It made me wonder where all of our astute observations of our city - and our lives - are now getting recorded - on Facebook statuses. Where will those be for future generations to have access to? We are the ones who are inventing our cities - in this moment. We are who people will be reading about in 100 years - whether or not we make it onto an exam question. It's fun to remember that when you came here to be on Broadway - but this Broadway is an entirely different place than the Broadway you had imagined. It's fun when you find yourself excited to learn as much as you can about the city you have called "Home" for 9 years now in order to become a "Licensed Tour Guide". It's fun to remember that when you are sitting on a subway car that smells like poop. That poop smells the same as it did in 1904 when the subway began. I love this city - and I love that poop. Sort of.

This is bliss!

I don't know if I have ever been as happy as I was last night...and today! I spent yesterday canvasing in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania to help crucial voters get their votes out! Unlike the canvasing trip I took 4 years ago for the last election, this one was incredibly well organized and we had a terrific day. More importantly we weren't just supporting the "Not Bush" Vote, we were there to support an incredible candidate who is what this country NEEDS right now as well as not being Bush! Luckily there were only a few nasties on our journey. Mainly everyone was AWESOME! It felt SO incredible to connect, face-to-face with people who believe in unity, progress, and possibility. People who push aside their fears in order to embrace change. After canvasing as many homes as we could we got out our cellphones and made calls to those who weren't able to be reached earlier in the day. The campaign workers for that neighborhood were excellent and so accommodating! We finished our time in PA in Obama's Headquarters in Bethlehem. It was so exciting to be in a real campaign office on election night! Everyone crowded around the television, though it would be a few hours before we would learn anything on it. Then it was back on the buses back to NYC. Updates were shared via blackberry and internet on phones and cheers filled the bus. Then we all congregated at The Irish Rogue in midtown to watch the results. I doubt there was any bar in NYC last night that was not electric. In my lifetime I have never been inspired at all nor moved to tears by any political speech, but even McCain's speech was incredible! I really respect him for uniting people with his words. I can only hope they were as inspiring to his own supporters who were not so ecstatic in that moment. But the best moments of last night were in the middle of Times Square...as we joined the rest of the joyful crowds in screams of glory, relief, and general exultation. I could NOT leave this area!! I hugged anyone who would let me...I gave high fives to anyone sticking hands out of their cars as they beeped through the crowded intersection. I took in every smile on every face...I danced with people in the middle of the street. I knew I should head home, but could not tear myself away! I must have been there for 45 minutes or an hour...just eating up this historic moment in every way imaginable. It was bliss! And so worth losing a bit of my voice over. Hallelujah!!!

Living in the moment and more....

Well...since I have been learning a lot lately about a pretty unfortunate situation..I wanted to share a bit of it with you. To preface this, my mother had some unexpected surgery at the beginning of December. She was put on a ventilator which she had difficulty getting off of for the next 10 days.

Basically my mom is recovering VERY well from everything she has just gone through. She still requires some assistance and a lot of physical therapy to get stronger, but no longer needs a hospital. Since her sister works at a nursing home that can provide that, she is staying there. She is a little on the young side to be in a nursing home, but it really is the very best place for her right now. She is definitely improving every day and I am happy I got to spend Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and the day after by her side in her room there. It was the first time we saw several of my aunts, uncles, and cousins who all used to gather over Xmas growing up. Most importantly though, was just being with my mom who is alive and getting well...talking and getting back to normal. The first 2 weeks of this month were the hardest of my life and there were a few moments I wasn't sure she'd be around for Xmas. I am learning a lot from this experience watching her heal and work through some difficulties. These are some simple things that people often gently advise us to do all the time...and we definitely don't always think about them, let alone take their advice. How many times have you been told to "live in the moment"? "Just breathe"? "Don't be so hard on yourself!"? Watching my mother work so hard to breathe of the ventilator...watching her overbreathing, much too quick, and not getting a good exhange of oxygen and CO2 because of it... I am reminded how very important breathing slowly and deeply is. I forget to ALL the time. Not knowing from day to day whether she would get off the vent, or need a tracheostomy, or worse, and when I should tell my jobs I will return to NYC to work because anything at all could happen the very next day forced me to live in the moment...as I never had before. Plans for the future? Memories of the past? They mean nothing in this present moment, because it could be all you have. Watching my mother, who is fiercely independent, struggle with relying on those around her for so much more...and causing herself some added physical distress if she was unable (one day) to perform the physical therapy she so anxiously woke up to accomplish...as well as listening to her apologize for all the things she hadn't prepared for to alleviate our stresses throughout this experience reminded me to not be so hard on MYself for everything I don't think I have done yet...or for not having everything happen as I had wanted it to. These stresses we put on ourselves not only prevent us from being happy but often manifest in our bodies...not always in such drastic ways, mind you...but they are never comfortable!

Now, I have always adored my mother. I have been blessed with a pretty incredible family and a mom I don't think I have ever taken for granted. My brother and I may fight, but in the end...we have a great family, and we know it and acknowledge it often. Before any of this, I have been grateful for it. While my mom was in the ICU I was reminded again how incredible she is. When I went home to see her over Christmas, I thought I couldn't possibly be even more grateful for her and more time with her. Then I found out a friend's father passed away the day before Xmas Eve. There is a lot more that goes along with what she is dealing with right now. Suddenly this vast expansive space of gratitude I didn't know existed opened up inside me. In this I feel I have learned the most important truth here... there is no such thing as being too grateful for ANYTHING!

I know that there still may be some tough times ahead, but it is impossible not to be grateful for these lessons I am learning that will continue to help me learn and grow and get through any situations that may arise...whether they are this intense or not!

Happy New Year everyone!!

Doctor Groove....and I digress...

Well, I had a wonderful visit to my friend's place in Chicago this weekend. This morning as I rode the L from Ean and John's to Midway airport, I accidentally messed up one of my transfers. It was bitter cold there all weekend, and this morning was no exception. I hate this cold. It's that dry and angry cold that crystalizes the snots in your nose and makes your nostrils stick together. After waiting in the breezy bitter air on an outdoor platform, crowding under the heaters whose presence was just barely noticable, I watched two trains that were going the opposite direction come and go, and FINALLY jumped on the first one I saw on my side of the tracks...only to realize a second later that it was not the train I was waiting for. I had to ride to the next stop, where I knew I would have to get out and stand in the cold again, only to wait for a train to take me back to the other stop to get out and wait in the cold again. It also was a LONG ride to the next (wrong) stop. I was really happy with myself. My toes formed into a block of ice while waiting at this stop on the wrong line (no heater here) and I finally got back on going towards where I needed to get on the correct train. When I entered the train, there was an african american man standing at the door talking to the rest of the people in the car who all happened to be african american as well. They were all facing himand listening intently to every word. Were they just passengers on the L train like myself? Was he their tour gude? Was he a panhandler? Was he a pan handler? I seriously had no idea. Myself and another white lady, who made the same mistake I had, just walked into something, but we weren't quite sure what yet. He was speaking about Oprah, and how he hadn't originally cared for her because she used to seem to throw her money at problems and he wanted to see powerful african american people getting more involved with the problems they hoped to see changed, not just donating their money. He was speaking about what an excellent role model she is now with her donations for her school in Africa, and wished that more wealthy african americans were doing some of the same with their money and fame. As I looked around the train, it seemed that nearly everyone in that car was watching him and listening. It wasn't what I am used to in New York. You might see a few faces enjoying the music someone is playing for them, and the rest are usually doing their best to ignore it. There is a reason for this, of course. We have a lot of smelly crazies on our trains, and several who are less than talented musically. But even when there is someone a little more pleasant than most, none have ever had this affect. Every face was on him and what he was saying made sense. He told us he was going to recite a piece I will hardly do it justice here. It was rhythmic and poetic piece that empowered black men to take a stand. He told them to stop making excuses and allowing other people's excuses to be their own. He told them to be good fathers and good people and to stop thinking about jail as a hobby. Everyone on the train seemed to be listening, but when he finished, I wasn't sure what would happen. I have never seen a "subway performer/speaker" have this kind of effect on an entire car full of people. He offered the piece he had just recited, printed out for $1. He told us of his website. He explained of the work he does around the city for the community. Instantly people were pulling out scraps of paper to write his website down (http://docgroove.com/ ) , including the other white lady who had gotten on with me. At least half of the nearly full car grabbed some money to give him and accepted his printed out poetry.

I was completely struck by this experience. I am still not entirely sure what to make of it. I spent all morning wondering what was it that made his message so clear and presentable? Of course he was an intelligent and well-spoken man, but that can't be all. Are the panhandlers a lot less crazy in Chicago? Was it his audience? I don't feel like his message is anything all that new, but it is definitely something his audience could identify with and felt was very relevant. What if the car was full with people of every ethnicity? Would he have continued? Would it have had the same effect? Who knows what these people did after they went about their day?

I just can't help but think about all the things I wish I could say to a car full of people on the subway. There seems to be so much in this world that needs to be shouted at us, but most of the time people ignore these types of displays. Maybe it just so happened that everyone on that car felt exactly as he did, even if they didn't go around preaching it to people, so they respected someone who did and did it so well. But aren't there enough people feeling the same way right now to produce similar results?

This is what has been getting to me lately. People seem to be more and more aware of so many injustices happening around our country and beyond, but I am not feeling much unity and action about any of it.

What is getting to me even more lately than other people is what I'M not doing. My attention is being pulled in several directions and all of them feel so important to me. I want to find my own way to make something a little better in one or all of these areas, but no lightbulbs are appearing above my head. I am just getting more and more frustrated and antsy to make a difference, but I can't figure out how.

I feel like knowledge is something a lot of people are lacking about all of these situations and that if I can make more people aware of them, more people would feel similar. With all our digital television channels and all of the ways we can be connected to everything outside our own little worlds, it's incredible how much we don't know. We don't really want to know.

Our country is just SO self-absorbed. We have these myspace accounts where we can post 300 photos of ourselves or our family and friends, and log on every day to see if anyone commented on them. I feel like I am 11 years old putting together a scrapbook to show my friends when they sleep over at my house, only it is online and everyone who feels like it can find it and comment on it. Of course I enjoy it too, but it is just a huge distraction. It seems so easy to use it as a means to express who WE are as individuals, over and over and over again. We fill out surveys. We have blogs. You are obviously reading mine right now. Some people blog about their work or their social life, or what they are eating for lunch. People post very intimate details of their lives and then get angry when someone writes a rude comment about it. We don't have to put this stuff out there for everyone to see. I'm all for expressing ourselves but when does that ever end? That used to be something you encouraged your children and teenagers to do (hopefully) so that they would grow up to be brilliant and confident in the hope that it might help them to make the world a better place. Now it feels as though we are just in it to make a better (__insert name of networking website here__) profile.

Few people in the generation before ours are doing much to protect our world for us, and they didn't have all of the same distractions. What will our children and grandchildren have of their world but a time capsule of all of what made each of us "us"? How can we get the attention of a nation who can't stop pimping their profile? (by-the-way, check out my pictures from Chicago on my blog!)

The Drum Circle in Central Park

Walk into Central Park any Saturday or Sunday evening from about 5pm until 9pm...follow the tribal sounds to a cauldron o' cultures moving and singing, clapping and smiling...all to the same primative beats being cooked up by an equally diverse team of drummers. This is the drum circle in Central Park. I was drawn to the sound of the drums one Sunday a few weeks ago and didn't leave for 2 hours. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face as I watched young people, old people, little babies, someone from nearly every race and culture...some in business suits, some in jeans...all of them moving and laughing and enjoying life! There were amazing dancers who danced appropriately to the african beats while yet others, who normally would probably be embarrassed to dance in public felt compelled to move their bodies regardless of who might see them. Although I have lived in NYC for nearly 3 years now, I never came across this wonderful celebration, but it happens when the weather permits every weekend throughout the summer. I couldn't get this wonderful evening out of my head, and anxiously awaited the next decent weather day to get out there. I had an amazing time again tonight! Something I thought about the last time I was there was how hundreds and thousands of years ago this same sort of thing was happening....people banging on drums and those who were in earshot magnetically drawn to it and into the frenzied dancing for an inexplicable but undeniably euphoric shared experience. I remember thinking how unbelievable it was that we are no different from those people who danced together thousands of years ago. Upon further thinking about this party that I discovered, I have decided that what is even more unbelievable is that several thousand years ago there definitely wouldn't have been so many varied cultures enjoying it together and how fortunate we are to live in a time (and a city) where we can-and do. Ahhhh drums!